We all have patterns in our relationships we know are not helpful for the longevity of the relationship. You may act passive aggressively. You may retaliate with hostility when you’re feeling stressed or angry. You and your partner may bicker or fight often, leading to disconnection. Whatever you may find yourself doing, very few things approach the sadness and destructiveness of a partner who withdraws from the relationship when feeling displeased, angry, or hurt.
Read MoreAround this time every year, young adults pack their bags and head off to college for nine months of research, writing, and unsupervised fun. Of course, this year is different. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many universities have decided to hold classes remotely, thus limiting opportunities for any kind of hanging out on campus. Similarly, nightlife, live music events, and Chicago’s well-known street festivals have all been put on hold.
Read MoreEverybody has their vice. For some, it’s plush covers and fluffy pillows. Sleep, one of mental health’s most important ingredients, can be overdone like anything else.
Read MoreWhen clients come to me to discuss low sex drive and desire, there are always a couple items we check in on as we explore the problem. One of those things is to what extent they enjoy the sex they are having with their partner. This covers all sorts of ground: are they feeling pleasure during sex, are they feeling connected during sex, does their partner attend to their needs, are they attracted to their partner, are they doing the things they like to do while having sex? The logic behind this question is clear: why would one want to have more sex if the sex they are having isn’t that satisfying?
Read MoreHave you ever had one of those nightmares where you’re expected to perform a task at work you have no idea how to do? If so, you’re familiar with the panic and humiliation that comes from being completely unprepared. Maybe this has even happened to you in real life! Nobody wants to go into something important without preparing first. Whether it’s school, a new job, or a race, adequate planning and training can help you feel more confident and perform better.
Read MoreWe all know that no relationship is perfect. Fighting is a normal and healthy part of every relationship. But when you feel hurt, rejected, ignored or dismissed by your partner, how do you handle it? Do you attempt to keep getting your point across? Do you try to control how your partner behaves? When you're hurt, do you tell your partner everything they’ve ever done to hurt you? Or do you get back at them somehow, either discreetly or overtly?
Some people do a combo of all these strategies, but today we will explore the last one: getting even.
Dating during COVID seems impossible. Last summer, eyes were made across dance floors all over Chicago every Friday night. Now, dance floors are empty, and getting out of your pre-reserved seat to mingle is highly frowned upon, if not forbidden. Bumping into a good-looking stranger, formerly considered good luck, is now a reason to wash your hands.
Read MoreSo you’re thinking about talking to someone. Great! Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while and now all the crap that 2020 has had to offer has pushed you to take the step. You’re feeling ready (or at least willing) to start the journey and work on things that might have been piling up for years. If this is you, I commend you for your courage.
Read MoreDrip, cortado, pour-over, Sumatra, fair-trade, draft nitro cold brew- twenty years ago, these terms might have easily been confused with those of a foreign language, but for Millennial coffee drinkers, such are part of standard vernacular. Millennials drink about 44% of coffee in the United States, and with smartphones delivering neverending emails, an obsession with productivity, and lucrative side hustles, it’s no wonder they need the extra boost.
Read MoreIf you’ve ever found yourself feeling overly concerned about the strength of your relationship, worrying about how much your partner loves you, or feeling on edge that you are not enough for your partner, then you might have relationship anxiety. This fairly common experience can be tricky to pick apart. It is often difficult to determine if your concerns are simply stories you’re blowing up in your own mind or actually based on actions your partner has taken. When it goes unchecked, this anxiety has the capacity to wreak havoc on even the best suited pairs.
Read MoreLove what you’ll do, and you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s the common phrase. Love when you do it, and you might never have to work another night in your life either. Somewhere along the line, humans decided that the most efficient workday exists between 9 AM and 5 PM. Oh, the good ole’ 9 to 5. Covet or hate it, this routine style of working has truly made a name for itself.
Read MoreIf you’ve ever been to a therapist and talked through the stress that your partner is putting you through, a common question your therapist might ask you is, “Have you talked to them about it?” The question is usually followed up by encouragement to “share how you are feeling” with your partner. This well-meaning piece of counsel, however, can lead you down the wrong path.
Read MoreWomxn and makeup have a complicated relationship. For some, it is an art. A luxury that one treats herself to. Even an indulgence. For others, a necessary evil. Something imposed upon them by society. Some reject it altogether, and others could take it or leave it.
Read MoreWhat happens in a relationship when you try to bridge the gap between what you want and what you have? Control issues pop up. If you’ve ever found yourself saying or thinking things like:
“You should do/think/act like this”
“I’d be happy if only you’d...”
“You would be more _______ if you loved me”
“I need you to be more like so-and-so”
then chances are you are trying to control your partner. Trying to control your partner can lead to major issues for a couple. Let’s explore why some of us attempt to assert our control and why it ultimately is not healthy in your relationship!
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Imagine that feeling you get when you first start to like someone. Few things in life compare to the fresh feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you start to realize that somebody new, or maybe someone who’s been hiding in plain sight all along, could be somebody for you. Excitement, nerves, and novelty make an irresistible cocktail.
Read MoreHave you had this moment with your partner: Partner A is yelling at Partner B, “We gotta go! We’re gonna be late!” Partner B is thinking, “It’s a party, it’s called being fashionably late” as Partner B takes time finishing up getting ready. Partner A is fuming about the lack of urgency Partner B is displaying. An argument ensues on the way to party. Whether you are Partner A or B you’re likely getting frustrated that your partner isn’t seeing your point of view.
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If you’ve ever been in therapy, you’ve likely heard the term self-compassion. Self-compassion in simple terms means kindness to yourself. It might look like forgiving yourself for your mistakes or going easy on yourself about your imperfections. Often, in an effort to help clients find compassion for themselves, I ask, “What would you say to a friend in your situation?” knowing that we are almost always kinder to others than we are to ourselves. For some, this gentle reminder is enough to change the pattern of harshness, but for those with a long history of self-deprecation, the prospect of treating yourself the way you would treat a loved one might not seem doable.
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As the City of Chicago continues to open up, many are still concerned about their health in the midst of the Coronavirus-19 pandemic. Sure, you can protect yourself by wearing a mask and washing your hands regularly, but what if you wish to avoid going out altogether unless absolutely necessary? There is no shame in that! Everybody has a different level of comfortability when it comes to reentering the world, and many would rather wait for a vaccine.
Read MoreAs a parent, you know the conversation about the birds and the bees will happen eventually. Understandably, talking to kids about sex can be awkward and difficult. It’s hard to provide accurate and age-appropriate ways of explaining such an intimate act. The conversation about sex is one that a lot of parents dread and some parents avoid completely.
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I think it’s safe to say that six months ago, nobody anticipated Summer 2020 to look quite like this. While Chicago is beginning to return to normal (whatever that means anymore), things are still very different. Beaches are closed, concerts and festivals are cancelled, and bars, restaurants, and nightclubs are operating on a seriously limited basis.
Extroverts around the city already had to endure three solid months of strict quarantining.
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