Beginner's Guide to Therapy
By Erinn Williams, LCPC
So you’re thinking about talking to someone. Great! Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while and now all the crap that 2020 has had to offer has pushed you to take the step. You’re feeling ready (or at least willing) to start the journey and work on things that might have been piling up for years. If this is you, I commend you for your courage.
Understandably, you might have some nerves going through this process. It’s not every day that you talk to a complete stranger about some of the most painful parts of your life. Here are some things to keep in mind if you are starting or returning to therapy.
Determine what you want to get out of it
One misconception about therapy is that you’ll be doing it for life once you start. While some clients love self-reflection, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Determine what you want to get out of your therapy experience. If you are entering therapy because you enjoy learning more about yourself, even if it’s painful, then therapy may become a form of self-care that you do every week for years. On the other hand, if you would like extra support for something that is currently stressing you out, be open with your therapist about that. Don’t feel like you have to keep digging just for the sake of digging. It is completely up to you.
The right fit matters
Though it can be time consuming at first, finding the right therapist is important and can save you many hours in the long run. Some clients prefer to shop around a bit before settling on one therapist. The right fit matters because when things get tough in the therapy room you need to trust that your therapist knows you well enough to know when to push you and when to back off. When you are being pushed you know it’s because your therapist cares. You can tell there is a good fit when you feel comfortable enough talking about difficult topics. If you don’t jive with your therapist, it can often feel like a waste of an hour each week. Spend the time at the beginning ensuring that you like your therapist and feel they understand you.
Allow time to build the relationship
Once you’ve found a good fit, give the process time for the relationship to build. Like any other relationship, a therapeutic relationship takes time to fortify. I typically experience a change in the closeness of my therapeutic bonds with clients after about 8 sessions. It’s not that good work can’t happen before 8 sessions, but usually by then you both have a feel for each other and you may be willing to take more risks. Speaking of taking risks...
Take risks...but at the pace you’re comfortable with
The risks you take will be determined by what you are working on in therapy. For some, it might look like showing up to a session without a mental list of things to tell your therapist, and instead seeing how the session unfolds without a roadmap. It might be being honest with certain thoughts, feelings, or behaviors you’ve been experiencing. It might look like advocating for what you need in the therapy room. Whatever taking risks look like to you, it’s worth pushing yourself to take them in the service of growth. However, there is no need to push yourself so hard that you dread going to therapy each week. If you’re finding that progress is fairly consistent, chances are you are taking appropriate risks within the work.
The initial relief you feel doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “cured”
It usually takes people several months of thinking about going to therapy before they actually make their first appointment. Within those several months, stress piles up and so it’s natural to feel immediate relief when you begin to talk through the stress with a professional. After a few sessions some people begin to feel so much better that they think they don’t need therapy anymore.
There are a couple things to think about here. The first is that simply talking about stress feels good in the moment, but it might not actually change your reaction to stress in the long run. You’ll want to stay in therapy long enough to get the tools to manage that stress in the future. The second thing to consider is that life might be working better because you have that hour a week to yourself for therapy. In the same way that we need consistent exercise for our bodies to function well, you may need consistent reflection for your mental health to function well. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need to be in therapy forever, but it may be an indication that you’ll want to incorporate some form of personal development into your weekly routine.
Though starting therapy may be slightly scary at first, it’s often worth it. Stop hesitating and start prioritizing your mental and emotional health.
Resources:
Psychology Today and Zencare list professionals in your area, their specialties, and their rates. Don’t have insurance and can’t pay a full fee? Check out Open Path Collective where you’ll see a list of therapists offering a sliding scale. Or contact Mary Claire Schibelka or Erinn Williams here at ELC for a phone consultation.