Why Crushing is the Best
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
“Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.”
J. M. Barrie
Imagine that feeling you get when you first start to like someone. Few things in life compare to the fresh feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you start to realize that somebody new, or maybe someone who’s been hiding in plain sight all along, could be somebody for you. Excitement, nerves, and novelty make an irresistible cocktail.
When you’re crushing, the perfect partner seems right at the tips of your fingers. Whoever you’ve fallen for seems flawless, and not only because they’re attractive. It’s also because you know just enough about them to like them and not enough to see the little things that would eventually drive you crazy.
You imagine your future relationship, and it looks ideal. Surely, you’d sing in the car together. They don’t seem like the type to cheat. And you, of course, would be so happy that you’d never do anything wrong.
The possibilities are endless! Imagine the places you could go together. The movies you could snuggle up and watch. The fear of an end is nowhere in sight because the story hasn’t even started yet. It’s just delicious fantasy.
Crushing is valuable. While it’s unlikely that all your hopes and dreams will suddenly come to life in one person, the experience of idealizing can tell a lot about what you value in a relationship. Why this person? What is going to be different about this relationship? What are you attracted to? What are you hoping for? These questions help set your relationships up for success, whether with your current crush or with somebody else.
This leads to the next question. What if they don’t like you? Rejection can be an intensely and deeply painful emotion. How do you handle that? What’s it like? What skills can you develop to cope with it and continue enjoying dating with an open mind?
These are questions you can’t answer without experiencing them. After you live out rejection and learn from it, you can date smarter. That’s what makes crushing so great. Best case scenario, you fall in mutual, healthy love. Worst case scenario, you get the opportunity to get to know yourself better and come out more resilient.
Crushing is unpredictable. There’s no telling how it will really turn out. Use the thrill of curiosity as your inspiration and your values as your guide. You might naturally want to get to know your crush more, but often, we have to remind ourselves to pay attention to our own inner experiences. Stay curious about both. When it comes to making decisions, like whether or not to date or even tell your crush how you feel, check in with your values. What would you do if you were your best self?
Having a crush is more than just a superficial attraction to another person. Crushes teach us a lot about our deepest desires for relationships and romantic partners. Through these things, we learn about ourselves, our weaknesses, and what we bring to the table. Crushes, even if never mutually shared, can be transformational. And if we’re being honest, we love them- not just because they enrich us, but because they just feel so good.