Emotional wounds, or deep-seated psychological and emotional pain, can develop in a number of ways. Some wounds happen immediately, such as after witnessing the death of a friend. Others develop over time as a result of repeated experiences like parental neglect, unhealthy relationships, and systemic racism.

Emotional wounds impact the way we perceive and interact with the world around us, yet they can often go undetected, even by ourselves. Internalizing and externalizing behaviors often show up as a result of emotional pain but to the untrained eye can often be excused as personality traits like shyness or aggression. Instead of dismissing or shaming ourselves and others, we can learn to recognize the following four symptoms as alarm bells signaling the existence of pain and the need for healing.

What I Learned From a Week of Listening

Growing up, I never thought of myself as racist. In fact, I thought of myself as fundamentally not-racist. The neighborhoods I lived in were always somewhat diverse, and my mom, my sister, and I all have friends of color. I have black cousins and Chinese cousins. My parents raised me with good values. “Never judge anybody by the color of their skin,” they said.

13 Tips for Watching 13 Reasons Why

On Friday, June 5, Netflix will air its fourth and final season of hit show 13 Reasons Why. Previous seasons of the show have attracted millions of viewers, but critics worry that the implications of viewing the series could be dangerous.

Finding Happiness Now

Rumor has it, quarantine might soon be coming to an end. States like Florida recently started welcoming customers back into bars and restaurants, allowing what some may consider a much-needed dose of normalcy. Here in Illinois, we have yet to hear of a specific reopening date. The end of solitude seems so close, and at the same time, so far.

Shining Light Onto Shame

The sinking feeling of shame- everybody knows it. Unlike guilt, which is focused on regretted behavior, shame is the deeper belief that there is something wrong with you. According to Brene Brown, shame researcher and viral Ted Talk speaker, guilt sounds like, “I’m sorry; I made a mistake,” while shame condemns, “I’m sorry; I am a mistake.”

The Real Reasons You Can’t Trust Your Partner

Trust is quite arguably one of the most important factors in any relationship. Trust creates feelings of safety, which makes room for vulnerability and a general sense of being able to relax around the other person. Trust is the antidote to relational anxiety.

Not only does trust mean believing that your partner is loyal, it also means knowing that they have positive intentions in your relationship and that they’re looking out for your best interest.

Dear High School Seniors: An Open Letter to the Class of 2020 from a Mental Health Counselor

Dear High School Seniors,

This is the time you have been waiting for. It’s warming up outside, and the days are getting longer. Both are signs that the end of the school year is drawing near. This May marks the 10-year anniversary since I graduated high school, and I still remember the excitement of looking out a classroom window, knowing that soon, I would be free.

Values-Guided Action (Even When It’s Hard)

How many times in the past month have you chosen to do something even if it meant putting up with uncomfortable feelings? Maybe you woke up at the sound of your morning alarm although staying in bed for another hour would have been much preferred. Maybe you worried about looking silly while wearing a mask to the grocery store during the COVID-19 crisis, but you wore one anyways. Or perhaps you chose to forgo watching your favorite Netflix show in order to write a paper or study for an upcoming exam.

Finding Space While You Shelter in Place

While it’s obvious that quarantine has been an isolating experience, those who live with others, whether in a friendship, romantic, or familial capacity, might be struggling with exactly the opposite- not enough alone time. Under normal circumstances, most of us have some degree of time to ourselves, whether during our commutes, in the office cubicle, or even during shopping trips. Now, however, these opportunities have been severely limited, if not completely erased.

Fire Needs Air

“I went through his phone.” “I hacked her Facebook.” “Give me your Instagram password so I know I can trust you.” “Share your location with me.” If you haven’t been on the giving or receiving end of one of these statements, I’m willing to bet that you know or have heard of someone who has.

Is Social Media Ruining your Social Distancing Experience?

Social media: good or evil? The battle is nothing new. What is new is that now, for the first time, users are engaging in social media while practicing social distancing, away from the outside world.

Coronavirus and Eating Disorder Recovery

Eating disorder recovery is one of the most rewarding, yet difficult, journeys upon which a person can embark. As if it isn’t challenging enough, those in recovery must now navigate its waters while being stuck inside their homes in quarantine, preventing the spread of COVID-19, or Coronavirus. Eating disorders, like most other mental health issues, thrive in isolation. Throw in a dose of fear, restricted movement, and grocery store chaos, and you have what seems to be the perfect breeding ground for eating disorder thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But what if mandated social distancing could be looked at as an opportunity to go further in recovery than ever before?

What's Your Type of Desire?

You’re sitting there watching a movie when all of a sudden the people on screen fly into a passionate love scene. You watch as they go from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds. Maybe you shift uncomfortably, maybe you watch, enamored, or maybe you think to yourself..."This doesn’t happen in my relationship anymore. Is there something wrong with me?"

These kinds of scenes are everywhere in Hollywood. It seems like out of nowhere people are going from not having a sex to BOOM, there they go! Suddenly, they are overcome with a passion and fervor that everyone hopes to have in a relationship.

So is there something wrong with you or your relationship if it’s not like that?

Asking for Help: Taking a Mental Trust Fall

I watched helplessly as the flood waters rose. Panicking, my husband and I tried to barricade certain areas of our apartment with anything absorbent. Towels. Old clothes. Spare bed sheets. We tried to bail out as much water as we could, which was really only effective in reducing the helplessness we felt versus actually making an impact on the rising water.

THIS is the key to change

I’m sitting in the chair with my mouth wide open. I’m staring at the ceiling as the drill starts up. I smell the horrible smell of bone being shaved off my tooth. I taste the bitterness of the adhesive sliding on to my tongue. The dentist stands over me. Just behind him is the computer screen where I can see my “treatment plan,” aka all of the work that’s ahead of me in the months to come. I breathe and think to myself “I can do this. I can do this.”

The Magic Ratio: What to look out for when fighting with your partner

All couples fight. It is normal for both happy and unhappy couples and at times it can be a helpful part of a relationship. One may ask, just how much fighting is okay? The work of Research Psychologist John Gottman, PhD, points to the fact that it’s not about how much fighting there is in a relationship. It’s about the types of interactions people have within those conflicts.

Love in the Time of Eco-Anxiety

It all started with trying to save money on paper towels. My husband and I noticed how many paper towels we were using every week and thought it would be an interesting experiment to see if we could go without. We cut up old t-shirts for rags and increased the amount of cloth towels hanging in our kitchen. It only took a week or so to realize that it wasn’t nearly as difficult as we'd thought it would be and, in addition to saving us money, it was way better for the environment. That was the start…

Tips to Effectively Manage Avoidance

You’re sitting in your living room watching yet another episode of The Office. You’ve seen it a million times, at least. In the back of your mind you’re aware of that nagging thought. You ignore it and go back to Jim’s latest prank on Dwight. The thought pops up again. You ignore it. It pops up again. You ignore it. It pops again and this time you’re even aware that by ignoring it you’re only making it worse than actually attending to it. And yet, you ignore it.