Relationship researcher, John Gottman, spent four decades studying what makes relationships last. Based on 7 studies he conducted on couples who stay together vs. couples who divorce, Gottman is now able to predict with over 90% accuracy whether or not a married couple will divorce. While there are many factors that contribute to a couple’s decision to end their marriage, Gottman identifies 4 behaviors as the most common predictors of splitting up.
Read MoreImagine you’re in the market for a new car. There are several things on your list of qualities the car must have: four doors, five-star safety features, adequate trunk space, and over 20 miles of miles per gallon of gas.
You’ll likely find a number of cars that meet this criteria, so what do you do? Do you test drive a few and ultimately pick one that meets your needs and falls within your budget? Or do you go above and beyond- test driving dozens, analyzing which rides the smoothest, which has a backup camera, which has satellite radio, a sunroof, the best speakers, built-in GPS navigation?
Read MoreIf you found out today that your partner cheated on you, what questions would you have? Would you want to know how many times? What about what the other person looked like? Would you want to know where their encounters took place or who was better in bed?
Read MoreBetween 1967 and 2015, interracial marriage has increased by almost 600%. This statistic reflects more acceptance of interracial relationships now than in prior decades, but as evidenced by countless instances of systemic racism and police brutality, coming to a head with the murder of George Floyd in May of 2020, the issue of racism in America is far from gone.
Read MoreAsk most married couples why they decided to tie the knot, and you might hear one of the following answers: “because we were in love”, “we wanted to have children”, or “we were ready to settle down.” On the surface, these seem like good answers. But are they enough?
Read MoreEvery couple fights. How you do it is what matters.
When you and your partner disagree, do your arguments turn into competitions about which of you is “right”? Do you find yourself in screaming matches? Does either of you give the cold shoulder to the other? All these ways of fighting are common, but none of them are productive.
Read MoreWhen I tell my clients to begin practicing sensual intercourse instead of the same sexual intercourse they’ve always had, I am often met with looks of confusion. The words “sexual” and “sensual” are used interchangeably, potentially causing many to think, “What’s the difference?” Sexual intercourse can be great. Some might consider it one of life’s greatest pleasures- that is until they’ve discovered sensual intercourse.
Read MoreImagine that you’re in a relationship, and one day, you discover that your partner was unfaithful. You might immediately ask yourself, “Am I not good enough?” or “What’s missing in this relationship that they had to go somewhere else to find?” Many people believe that if their partner cheats, it must be due to a shortcoming either in the relationship, sex, or worse- in themselves. But what if I told you that it’s possible none of those things were the problem?
Read MoreTake a moment to close your eyes and imagine yourself having the best sex of your life.
Now pause, and notice one thing in particular about your fantasy- the setting. Where are you?
Chances are, you’re not picturing having sex in a messy room with laundry all over the floor or on top of dirty sheets. Right? Didn’t think so.
Read MoreWe all know that no relationship is perfect. Fighting is a normal and healthy part of every relationship. But when you feel hurt, rejected, ignored or dismissed by your partner, how do you handle it? Do you attempt to keep getting your point across? Do you try to control how your partner behaves? When you're hurt, do you tell your partner everything they’ve ever done to hurt you? Or do you get back at them somehow, either discreetly or overtly?
Some people do a combo of all these strategies, but today we will explore the last one: getting even.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling overly concerned about the strength of your relationship, worrying about how much your partner loves you, or feeling on edge that you are not enough for your partner, then you might have relationship anxiety. This fairly common experience can be tricky to pick apart. It is often difficult to determine if your concerns are simply stories you’re blowing up in your own mind or actually based on actions your partner has taken. When it goes unchecked, this anxiety has the capacity to wreak havoc on even the best suited pairs.
Read MoreIf you’ve ever been to a therapist and talked through the stress that your partner is putting you through, a common question your therapist might ask you is, “Have you talked to them about it?” The question is usually followed up by encouragement to “share how you are feeling” with your partner. This well-meaning piece of counsel, however, can lead you down the wrong path.
Read MoreWhat happens in a relationship when you try to bridge the gap between what you want and what you have? Control issues pop up. If you’ve ever found yourself saying or thinking things like:
“You should do/think/act like this”
“I’d be happy if only you’d...”
“You would be more _______ if you loved me”
“I need you to be more like so-and-so”
then chances are you are trying to control your partner. Trying to control your partner can lead to major issues for a couple. Let’s explore why some of us attempt to assert our control and why it ultimately is not healthy in your relationship!
Read MoreHave you had this moment with your partner: Partner A is yelling at Partner B, “We gotta go! We’re gonna be late!” Partner B is thinking, “It’s a party, it’s called being fashionably late” as Partner B takes time finishing up getting ready. Partner A is fuming about the lack of urgency Partner B is displaying. An argument ensues on the way to party. Whether you are Partner A or B you’re likely getting frustrated that your partner isn’t seeing your point of view.
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All couples fight. It is normal for both happy and unhappy couples and at times it can be a helpful part of a relationship. One may ask, just how much fighting is okay? The work of Research Psychologist John Gottman, PhD, points to the fact that it’s not about how much fighting there is in a relationship. It’s about the types of interactions people have within those conflicts.
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