Finding Happiness Now

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Rumor has it, quarantine might soon be coming to an end.  States like Florida recently started welcoming customers back into bars and restaurants, allowing what some may consider a much-needed dose of normalcy.  Here in Illinois, we have yet to hear of a specific reopening date.  The end of solitude seems so close, and at the same time, so far.

Anticipation, whether about the end of quarantine, a new job, a new apartment, or a vacation, pulls us into the future, where we plan for and fantasize about glorious things to come.  This kind of daydreaming can feel like an escape, especially when the present isn’t exactly ideal.  It provides relief from the monotony of another day spent at home and offers delicious, even if only imagined, happiness.  Or does it?

While you might think that picturing upcoming days of freedom is the only way to make it through the rest of lockdown with your sanity still intact, research shows that this kind of mental time travel actually decreases happiness overall.  After conducting a study on thousands of people using a happiness-measuring smartphone app, Harvard psychologist, Matt Killingsworth, found that happiness is only slightly connected to life circumstances and events.  However, subjects who reported being mentally engaged in whatever tasks they were doing right before rating their moods showed much higher rates of happiness than those who were “mind wandering” instants before checking in.

In other words, while mentally drifting to better days ahead might seem like the cure for quarantine blues, doing so might actually be decreasing your mood.  In the same study, Killingsworth assessed the impact of mental wandering during unpleasant situations, such as while commuting.  Again, participants who zoned out while commuting reported lower happiness levels than those who remained focused on their drives, even if the former were thinking about something pleasant.

This information, while perhaps surprising, is hardly new.  The ancient Eastern practice of mindfulness, the awareness of one’s present physical, mental, and emotional state, has boomed in popularity in the United States since the late 70s, promising peace and fulfillment to its practitioners.  The idea is that when we trade in the present moment for visions of the future or past, we lose contact with the only reality we actually have, therefore robbing ourselves of the ability to enjoy it.

It’s important to remember that just because staying present in the moment leads to greater happiness than mind-wandering does, presence does not guarantee total happiness all the time.  Life inherently brings about a wide range of emotions, some of which are more comfortable than others.  Mental escapism serves as a distraction but renders us unable to respond to our current emotional needs, much less experience the good that almost always comes with the bad.

Next time you find yourself drifting through your thoughts, try asking yourself one of my all-time favorite questions (if you’ve been in therapy with me, you understand):  How helpful is this?  Are your thoughts helping you prepare for something or inspiring creativity?  Or are they leaving you feeling scrambled and disconnected?  If the answer to my question above is, “Not very,” gently bring yourself back to the moment and experience the mood-altering effects.  The present is a gift.  Let yourself have it.