3 Strategies to Help You End Relationship Anxiety for Good
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
What if my partner stops loving me? Are we really compatible? Am I with the right person? Are they cheating on me?
These are questions that anyone who’s ever been in a relationship has likely asked themselves at some point. Frankly, never questioning whether you and you and your partner are a good match, if they’re faithful, and what you would do if the two of you broke up wouldn’t be healthy. But if you struggle with relationship anxiety, these thoughts can quickly become obsessive and even detrimental to your relationship.
What is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can be defined as persistent and excessive worry, overthinking and hyper-awareness about your relationship. If you have relationship anxiety, you may often fear that:
you are dating the wrong person
you are not attracted to or losing attraction to their partner
your relationship is moving too fast or too slow
your partner is cheating on you
there is someone better for you out there
you are not good enough for your partner
you will emotionally hurt your partner
your partner will leave or abandon you
All relationships include uncertainty, and some anxiety about them is normal. Difficulty or inability to stop the constant stream of questioning and doubt, however, may be an indicator of relationship anxiety.
Relationship anxiety can show up at any stage of a relationship. While some may experience it early on, others may begin to grow anxious after several years of dating the same person or even after marriage.
The Effects of Relationship Anxiety
Anxiety in any form can be distressing. In extreme cases, it can lead to physical problems, such as headaches, muscle tension, nausea, fatigue, and gastrointestinal problems.
Relationship anxiety may cause you to constantly overthink what you say, how you look, how you feel, and how your partner behaves. You may feel distracted by your thoughts and grow less present in your relationship or begin exhibiting relationship-interfering behaviors.
Relationship-interfering behaviors associated with relationship anxiety include
withholding your opinions or feelings about issues in the relationship
pushing your partner away physically or emotionally
picking fights to see how your partner responds
trying to make your partner jealous
withdrawing or avoiding your partner
scrutinizing your partner or becoming overly critical
Although they are often done in effort to reduce or cope with relationship anxiety, these behaviors can cause the exact problems in your relationship that you originally feared.
What Can You Do?
Mindfulness
You know the phrase “going down the rabbit hole”? It’s one of my favorite ways to describe what happens in your brain when anxiety takes hold. Anxiety is a chain reaction. It starts with one uncomfortable thought or feeling, like fear when you remember that time last week when your partner looked at his phone and smiled, then said he saw a funny meme. All of the sudden, you’re imagining him texting someone else and sifting through every detail of your last 5 dates, obsessing over whether you missed any signs he’s really cheating on you.
Anxious thought spirals often seem helpful, like they’ll eventually lead you to figuring things out, but they really just create more confusion. To tame anxiety, practice noticing your thoughts one by one. After noticing each thought, let it go. This will help you stay present in the moment, where you can truly learn more about your partner and your relationship.
Communicate
Constant worry about your partner getting angry or annoyed by you can make it difficult to voice your concerns about the relationship, but avoiding these topics will only increase your chances of struggling with unresolved issues later down the line. Instead of holding back, voice your needs to your partner in a calm yet confident voice. Spend time journaling about what you want to express beforehand to increase your confidence during delivery.
Talk To a Therapist
When you’re stuck in your head, it can be difficult to differentiate between anxious and realistic thoughts. Talking to a therapist can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings in order to determine which are worth paying attention to. A therapist can also help you understand what you’re looking for in a partner and what it means to be in a truly healthy relationship.
If you’re struggling with relationship anxiety, relief and clarity is possible. For more information about relationship anxiety or a free 15-minute phone consultation, reach out to admin@elevatedlifecounseling.com.
Related Articles
3 Tips to Help You Kiss Dating Anxiety Goodbye
3 Signs You and Your Partner Have Chemistry and Why It Matters