5 Steps to Recovering from a Breakup

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

If you’ve ever been through a breakup, you know how painful it can be.  Breakups often include intense feelings of grief, loss, loneliness, rejection, sadness, and hopelessness.  When it comes to breaking up, these feelings are often an inevitable part of the healing process, but there are several things you can do to both cope with the pain and prepare yourself for greater things to come.

Read the following tips to learn how to heal and return to living your best life after breaking up:

Give Yourself Compassion

Immediately after a breakup, you may feel physically incapable of cheering yourself up, let alone thinking about all the fun things you want to do with your friends or who you’re going to date next.  This is normal.  Now is not the time to try to force yourself to get over your ex.

Instead, it’s important to treat yourself with compassion.  Feel your feelings.  Let yourself cry.  Treat yourself the same way you’d treat a best friend who was struggling after a breakup.  If that means calling off work and staying in bed for a day, do it.  Pushing down your feelings will only make things worse in the long run.

Surround Yourself with Love

After a difficult breakup, it’s important to connect with your support system.  Spend plenty of time with friends and family who allow you to be vulnerable.  They don’t necessarily have to understand your situation exactly or give you any groundbreaking advice.  They just have to accept you in the state you’re in, listen, and remind you that you are still deeply, deeply loved.

Reflect on the Relationship

Once you have given your emotions some care, and your logical mind begins to show itself again, start reflecting on your former relationship.  What can you learn from looking back?  What needs do you have that weren’t being met?  What went well?  What qualities do you want or not want in your next partner?  Even though your last relationship didn’t work, it can still serve as a great learning experience.

Get Honest with Yourself

One of the hardest, yet most beneficial steps of getting over a breakup is to examine your role in the dynamic.  Even if you truly believe your partner was the problem, ask yourself what you could have done differently in retrospect.  Perhaps you missed some warning signs that you can be more aware of in the future, or maybe you need to work on your communication skills.  Understanding your part in the relationship will help you feel more in control of your circumstances and benefit you in your next relationship.

Focus on the Future

Allowing yourself to feel the emotions of going through a breakup is healthy.  Dwelling in them is not.  Even if you are still grieving, begin thinking about where you would like to go next.  Set goals for your career, finances, self-improvement, or future romantic relationships, and begin working towards making them a reality.  Focusing on your future will remind you that even though you’re going through a difficult time, great things are on the horizon.

If you were recently broken up with, or even if you’re the one who did the breaking up, the emotions that come with the ending of a relationship can be heartbreaking.  Healing requires a balance of sitting with painful feelings and thinking about how your breakup may actually serve you in the future.

If you’re struggling to move on from a breakup, even though you know it’s time, reach out to a counselor at ELEVATED Life Counseling.