You Can Have It All: Expert Secrets to Balancing Love and Your Career

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams.  If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

Lady Gaga

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“I can live without money, but I can’t live without love.”

Judy Garland

If you are a career-driven person, you might be wondering if it’s possible to be successful at work while dating or maintaining a romantic relationship.  Society constantly sends messages that make it seem like you have to choose one or the other.  You can work, or you can be a mom.  You can be a devoted husband, or you can travel for business.  Our brains like this kind of “either-or” thinking because it makes information easy to categorize.  However, in a world full of shades of grey, dichotomies like these are rarely ever true.  You can, in all actuality, have both.

Devoting energy to a satisfying love life and a thriving career takes work.  When you aren’t taking intentional, proactive steps to maintain balance, one of the two can easily fall to the wayside.  To find and hold onto love without having to sacrifice your career, follow these four crucial steps.

Clarify Your Goals

Before making any decisions, it’s important to clarify what you really want.  Zeroing in on your goals will help you prioritize your time in a way that’s most likely to lead to fulfillment both relationally and career-wise.  If you have a goal to be in a serious relationship by 30, and at the age of 28 you’re working 80-hour weeks with no time to date, you might need to make some changes, such as hiring an assistant, delegating tasks, or making a lateral move to a company that prioritizes its employees’ work-life balance.  Knowing specifically what you want empowers you to think creatively about how you can remove roadblocks along the way.

Communicate Expectations

One major reason couples experience dissatisfaction in relationships is because they do not effectively communicate their expectations.  If you’re someone who likes to prioritize your career during the week and socialize only on the weekends, a person who wants to spend 3 full days per week together is probably not the right match for you, and you’re both better off knowing that right from the start.  The good news- there is likely someone out there who has preferences similar to yours.  When you communicate your expectations, you increase your chances of finding a person who meets them.

Set Boundaries

When you’re really passionate about something, like work or the person you’re dating, it’s easy to push the limits on how much time you’re willing to dedicate to it.  If you have the urge to spend extra time working or with your partner, that’s great!  It only becomes a problem if the time you’re spending on one area of your life compromises your goals in another.  Decide how much of your time you want to spend on work and how much you want to save for your romantic life.  Then, stick to your decision, knowing that doing so will help you achieve a fulfilling and balanced lifestyle.

Be Present

Whether you’re spending time with your significant other or at the office, eliminate as many distractions as possible.  Keep your phone out of sight on dates to prevent anxiety over work calls or emails.  When you’re working, turn off notifications for your social media accounts.  Staying present will help you be more productive at work or connected during a date.  Also, when you’re engaged in the present moment, you’re more likely to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.

Contrary to popular belief, it is very possible to have a satisfying love life along with a successful career.  While this might not happen totally naturally, you can actively take steps to promote happiness with both aspects of your life.  Next time you find yourself thinking that you have to give up one passion in order to live out another, think again.  The question isn’t “Can I do this?”  The question is “How?”