Troubleshooting Your Goals: Lessons from a Therapist’s Career Journey
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
I have had a passion for psychology since I knew what it was. The human experience has always fascinated me. When asked why I became a mental health counselor, I often share a funny anecdote I remember about when the local high school counselor came to my middle school to talk to us 8th graders about selecting our 9th grade classes. I remember seeing in the course handbook that Introduction to Psychology was only allowed for sophomores and above. Hoping this was some kind of misprint, I raised my hand and asked the visiting counselor if this was really true. She confirmed, and I, disappointed and determined, resolved that at the end of my freshman year, I would be the first to sign up.
Sure enough, at the end of the next year, I filled out my course request form, turned it in immediately, and beamed when I received my schedule for the next year. There it was, Intro to Psychology, 2nd period. The rest is history.
Having to wait until my sophomore year of high school to take my first psychology class was only one of the roadblocks I faced while working towards my current career. In fact, when this all happened, I had no idea that I would end up where I am now. I admit, becoming a mental health counselor was a thought in the back of my mind, but at that point, there was still a long road ahead of me.
I ended up pursuing a Bachelor’s of Science in Special Education and spent my first two years out of college teaching high school World Studies. By the end of my first year, I was already thinking about going back to school, get a master’s degree, and becoming a therapist for young adults dealing with a lot of the same issues I was handling at the time. In order to accomplish this goal, I had to resign from my first career, select a master’s program that aligned with my goals, get rejected from my dream school, and hustle my way through 2016-2019 in the service industry while I worked on my degree.
Plenty of times, I stumbled, got lost, and had to reassess my roadmap along the way. Here are some troubleshooting questions I asked myself during the times I felt stuck:⠀⠀
1. Is what I’m currently doing leading me towards what I ultimately want out of life?
Before solidifying my decision to make the jump from teaching to counseling, I had to seriously think about this. I realized that I was working in a field that would never bring me the income, schedule flexibility, opportunity to use my entrepreneurial skills, or career autonomy that I knew I wanted. I had to ultimately decide that it was time to make a change, even though I knew it would mean struggling hard for 2.5 years.
2. How motivated am I?
Sometimes, not very. I applied to one university for undergrad, and I chose it because I didn’t have to write an essay (my 17 year-old self was not having it 😂.). At the age of 22, I still hated filling out applications, so I put it off for a while. In order to begin working towards my goal, I had to find the willingness to sit down, complete applications, collect letters of recommendation, figure out how to work a fax machine, and yes, write a few essays. The interesting thing about this is that I never wanted, per se, to do any of it. What I wanted was my dream career. By focusing on the bigger picture, I was able to harness the energy and drive to take the necessary steps forward, even though not all of them were particularly enjoyable.
3. Are my goals realistic?
I thought they were! Then, after getting rejected from a very prestigious grad program, I had to grieve my dream and adjust my expectations. I got good grades in undergrad, but I did no extracurriculars. Getting into a top-10 school was likely not going to be in the cards for me. Instead, I found an incredible program that also saved me at least $100,000. Turns out the original goal I had might have fed my ego and starved my bank account. Getting rejected and having to adjust my expectations for what my path would look like was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
4. Am I taking care of myself?
Sometimes, I wasn’t. Being in grad school and working in the service industry meant staying up very late, which I found was not working for me. I was losing motivation, resenting my school work, and just not enjoying the process. I found a service industry job with hours that allowed me to stay focused on school and self-care. Changing jobs was not ideal in the middle of an already-stressful semester, but if I hadn’t done so, I might have ended up burning out before even beginning my career.
5. What do I need to focus on now?
Like I said, I am obsessed with psychology. During grad school, I often felt frustrated because I didn’t have the time to go to mental health conferences around the country or spend hours everyday recreationally browsing the latest research on dating apps. Instead, I made a promise to myself that after graduation, I would spend time every week reading about the issues that were important to my clients. For the rest of my school career, I focused on each assignment, one at a time. I made a point to find the value in all of them, even if some didn’t seem directly related to the population I eventually wanted to work with. I did something I often encourage my clients to do when facing disillusionment about how far away from their ultimate goal they currently are: I embraced the “now.” As a result, I not only learned a lot of really great technical information that I likely would not have looked up on my own, I also enjoyed learning it a lot more than I would have if I kept lamenting about not being able to do more self-directed tasks.
The truth is the bigger your dreams are, the more walls you will likely hit along the way. These barriers are not reasons to quit! Breaking down, going around, and jumping over the obstacles that come up along your path to success helps you build resilience and grit. The more you overcome, the more confident you become in your ability to succeed despite whatever challenges life may throw at you next.