3 Signs You and Your Partner Have Chemistry and Why It Matters
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
Healthy, long-lasting relationships are made of several essential building blocks. Typically, elements like trust, shared core values, similar goals, and some level of attraction create the foundation for successful relationships. Relationships are sort of like the game Tetris. If each partner has qualities that fit with the needs of the other, a solid, secure base can form.
If only love were this easy. It could be, if it weren’t for one secret ingredient shaking up the mix.
Chemistry.
Chemistry is the energetic attraction between two people that no words, reason, or personality assessment can explain. Chemistry is your brain on drugs. Substance of choice: The Other Person. When there is chemistry in a relationship, dopamine receptors are activated, causing a rush of strong emotions. Lovers experience a euphoria that is often described as intoxicating and even addictive.
Chemistry can make or break your relationship. In healthy relationships, chemistry can improve intimacy. It also acts as a buffer, making the other person’s imperfections seem less unattractive. If unchecked, chemistry can be blinding, potentially causing some to rush through the important trust-building stages of relationships and jump into high-stakes commitments, such as moving in together. Chemistry can even cause some to overlook or downplay serious red flags, like controlling behavior.
Chemistry feels great. And yet, we know that the best decisions are rarely made out of 100% emotion. Understanding that there is chemistry in your relationship can help you put your feelings into perspective and inject them with a healthy dose of logic before making any major choices.
To find out if there is chemistry between you and your partner, look for the following signs:
You Think About Them...A Lot
When there’s chemistry in a relationship, thoughts about the other person can be difficult to turn off. You may get distracted at work or have trouble sleeping as fantasies of your partner constantly lure you in. Other people may notice that you talk about your relationship often. It just feels so good!
If thoughts about your partner are interfering with your ability to focus, try setting aside time during the day specifically for journaling about your relationship. What are your hopes and dreams? What do you like most about your partner? What are some signs that the relationship is going well? Getting your feelings out on paper will help clear some mental space for other important thoughts
You Desire Physical Intimacy
Ok, yes. Since I know you all are wondering, I am talking about sex. Chemistry can create intense feelings of sexual attraction, but that’s not all.
Chemistry is magnetic. It pulls couples together through the desire to be close to one another. If there is chemistry in your relationship, you and your partner may want to sit together closely on the couch, hold hands, scratch each other’s backs, lean in closely when you talk, and spend more time together than you do with other friends or family members.
Chemistry has a way of blurring boundary lines, so it is important to be as clear and explicit with them as possible. Write down your limits when it comes to spending time with your partner versus with your friends. List any physical boundaries that you have. Then, communicate these expectations with your partner. Remember, setting expectations doesn’t have to be weird. You don’t necessarily need to have a formal, sit-down talk. Holding your boundary might look like saying, “I have plans that day,” (even if your plans are with yourself) or “I don’t want to do that right now.”
Logic Fades
People in the early stages of relationships with high levels of chemistry often describe their behavior as completely outside of what’s normal for them. They stay up all night texting. They call off work to go on impromptu vacations. They spend money on extravagant gifts. Reason has left the chat, people. It’s important that you know that.
It’s important because chemistry is like hot sauce. Add it to the mix, and it spices things up. Too much of it on its own, and it burns. Chemistry has to be mixed with an equal amount of logic, or you risk ending up feeling stuck in a relationship that doesn’t align with your vision for yourself. Whether you are already in a committed relationship or just taking your first steps into the arena of dating, spend some time alone writing down your goals for the following categories: romantic relationships, career, finances, physical health, mental health, spirituality, friendships, family, leisure/hobbies. The more you know yourself, the better you can identify what you want in a long-term partner.
Having a relationship built upon mutual trust, values, beliefs, goals, and chemistry is well within your reach! Chemistry can pique your interest in potential partners, and when harnessed, it can promote passionate and healthy relationships. To learn more about balancing logic and chemistry to find satisfying relationships, go to https://www.elevatedlifecounseling.com/services or visit @therapywithmaryclaire on Instagram.