How To Improve Your Body Image During Sex
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
Take a moment to imagine yourself having sex. How do you feel? How do you see yourself? Now, if you weren’t already, imagine having sex completely naked in a well-lit room. How do you feel now? Your answer, most likely, is a reflection of your body image- your thoughts, feelings, judgments, and beliefs about your body.
About 41% of men and 60% of women report feeling dissatisfied with their bodies1. In a different study, over 70% of women reported avoiding certain activities due to poor body image2. Having sex is arguably one of the most vulnerable things you can do with your body. It makes sense that research on the relationship between body image and sex reveals poor body image is correlated with reduced sexual desire, sexual arousal, ability to orgasm, and overall sexual satisfaction3.
Does poor body image have a negative effect on your sex life? If the answer is yes, read the tips below to learn how to improve your sex life by bettering your body image.
Don’t Expect Perfection
Don’t expect perfection in anything. Not your ability to pull off new sexual positions, not the appearance of your body, and not even your feelings about your body. Trying to achieve perfect body image, or 100% confidence, all the time is a recipe for disappointment. There will be days when you feel insecure, and that’s okay.
Aim for Body Acceptance Over Love
Depending on where you are in your body image journey, the idea of loving your body may feel impossible. That’s okay! Instead, you can learn to accept your body or feel neutral towards it. To achieve this, think about the function of your body rather than it’s appearance. Imagine you are an alien species looking at your human body for the first time. How cool is it that you have legs to take you places, breasts to produce milk and sustain human life, or parts of the body meant for pleasure only? Focusing on your body’s abilities with a sense of wonder can help you appreciate it, even if you wish some things looked different.
Think Critically About Media
The times you’ve seen sex presented in movies or pornography, what kinds of bodies have you seen? Body diversity is becoming more popular, but media is still saturated with depictions of thin, white women and white, muscular men having sex. Next time you see an unrealistic sex scene, imagine what your neighbors or friends look like having sex. Chances are, it probably looks a lot more like the sex you’re having.
Focus on the Positives
Advertising and media have us so conditioned to focus on the parts of our bodies we’re unsatisfied with. What parts of your body do you actually like? Pick just one thing. It could be your bum or your stomach, or it could be your fingernails or eyebrows! Intentionally notice the qualities you like about yourself at least as often as you think about the ones you don’t.
Be With Someone Who Loves Your Body
Internal validation is important, but it’s also okay (and sometimes, very helpful) to receive external validation as well. When dating, stick with the partners who compliment your appearance. If anyone criticizes your body or talks about their attraction to bodies that look nothing like yours, move on. There are too many people in the world who would consider themselves lucky to have sex with you. Don’t waste your time on those who are only going to bring you down and reinforce your negative beliefs about yourself.
Ask Your Partner for Reassurance
It could be very arousing to hear your partner tell you what they like about your body while you’re having sex. It could also be helpful to hear this outside the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with asking for some reassurance sometimes. If you’re in need of a confidence boost, let your partner know. Tell them how great it would feel to hear how attractive you are. Then, bask in their compliments, trusting that your body is exactly what your partner is drawn to.
Improve Your Emotional Connection
Sex does not have to be only about connecting physically. Emotionally passionate sex has the ability to take you outside your body into almost a transcendent, spiritual realm. Focus on deepening your emotional intimacy with your partner, and watch as worries about your body slip away as you connect sexually.
Redirect Your Focus
If your mind is feeling cluttered with shameful thoughts or worries about your body during sex, try redirecting your focus to your five senses. Notice the physical sensations in your body. Notice the texture and smell of your partner’s skin. Notice the taste of their kiss. These distractions will not only help reduce focus on your body image, they will also make your sexual experience more sensual and enjoyable.
Body image does not have to be a barrier to a healthy sex life. While most of us struggle with insecurities to some degree, these strategies can help you feel better about your body and therefore more interested in and pleasured by sex. Share your experiences with body image and sex by following and commenting on our Instagram page at @elevatedlifecounseling.
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