Better Sex vs More Sex
By Erinn Williams, LCPC
If you want better sex, you need to start talking about it! As we start the new year, I try to encourage my clients to explore how to make their relationships more pleasurable - in and out of the bedroom!
Instead of focusing on if you’re having ENOUGH sex, try to consider whether or not you’re experiencing enough pleasure and connection with your partner(s).
Better sex > more sex
These ideas can not only improve your solo or partnered sex life, but your life as a whole!
YOU LOOK GOOD
To me, being sexy is about the attitude you exude, not how you look physically. Society often gives us the perception that we need to look a certain way in order to be sexy. That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Self-confidence is about feeling good in the skin you’re in and being aware of your inner and outer beauty.
When we haven't developed a comfortable and intimate relationship with ourselves, it makes it harder to build an open, comfortable and intimate sexual relationship with someone else.
So, strip down, get naked and take a moment to celebrate YOUR body. Admire yourself and remember that you are beautiful because you are YOU!
PARTY OF 1, PLEASE
Self-pleasure and self-esteem are positively connected. When touching yourself, pay attention to your body’s response - what feels good, how and where you like to be touched. Masterbation lets us explore new sensations and stimulations that might not have been experienced yet with a partner. Try using this information to your advantage!
Pleasuring yourself in front of your partner is a vulnerable experience that can also encourage intimacy, sparking new techniques in the bedroom. Giving your partner a glimpse into how you touch yourself is a major turn on, but this type of vulnerability encourages closeness between partners.
COMMUNICATION
True or False? Our partners naturally know what turns us on, what we like/don’t like in bed and how we like to be touched and caressed. In reality, this isn’t always the case and that’s OK! Opening yourself up to having these sometimes awkward conversations with your partner is a great place to start.
Do you like being touched in a certain way? Trying out a new technique on your partner and not sure if they are into it? Encourage your partner to tell you what’s working and what isn’t. If you want more of something or a different technique, speak up! Things like “I love when you do that” or “just a little harder” can go a long way. The key here is to be open to constructive feedback without judgment. This valuable information can be used to fulfill both partners, in and out of the bedroom.
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Spice up your (sex) life and excite your partner! Try sending them dirty text messages during the day as an anticipation of what’s to come after work. Explore new positions, bring sex toys into the mix or change locations (it’s not always about the bed). Incorporate costumes or role play into your sexual activities.
All of these things can help break you out of your usual habits, which can lead to more exploration and better sex.
Ask we embark on 2022, try to use this opportunity to change old relationship habits, commit to better sexual experiences, and ultimately improve your relationship in and out of the bedroom. Remember, it’s not always about having more sex, but when you focus on better sex and communication with yourself and your partner, the outcome might surprise you!