5 Strategies To Boost Your Confidence Fast
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m not good enough,” “Nobody likes me,” or, “All I do is mess up,” you’ve likely struggled with low self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to the amount of worth you believe you have as a person or the way you view yourself in comparison to the person you believe you “should” be. Research shows that individuals with high self-esteem tend to have more positive social relationships1 and better overall quality of life, while those with low self-esteem are more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, and addiction2.
Chronic low self-esteem is often a product of negative experiences that need to be addressed in ongoing therapy. However, we have all been in situations when what we need most is an immediate confidence boost, such as before a job interview or date. These 5 strategies can help you feel better about yourself quickly if you’re caught in the trenches of self-deprecation or doubt:
The 5-Finger Exercise
This exercise is fast, easy, and can be done just about anywhere. To do the 5-Finger Exercise, start by touching your thumb to your index finger and think about a time when you felt loved. Then, touch your thumb to your middle finger and remember a time when you felt successful. Touch your ring finger next and recall a time when you felt helpful, kind, or generous. Last, touch your thumb to your pinky finger and remember a time when you loved and cared for someone else. If you can try to think of situations that occurred during the past week.
Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion is one of the most effective ways to feel better about yourself fast. Self-compassion is defined as kindness to yourself, especially in the midst of adversity or failure. The trick is to catch yourself in the act of beating yourself up and replace your negative self-talk with something warm and supportive. Consider what you would say to the person you love the most if they were in the same situation. Most of the time, we are much kinder to others than to ourselves.
Addressing the Inner Critic
You may have already noticed that you are constantly engaging in mental conversations with yourself, otherwise known as an internal dialogue. The inner critic is the voice in your head that shames, belittles, and criticizes you, usually in a misguided attempt to improve yourself or avoid making a mistake again. Pay attention to your inner dialogue, and when you notice it getting harsh, try separating what your inner critic is saying from the actual facts of the situation.
For example, you may notice yourself thinking, “Wow, I am such a loser. I can’t believe I’m 15 minutes late to this interview.” First, identify this statement as one coming from your inner critic. Then, use rational thought to identify the facts and problem solve. You may say, “Well, it’s possible that I can redeem myself. I’ll try apologizing and be sure to talk about how much I learned at my last internship.”
Tackling Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive distortions are inaccurate ways of thinking that can really do a number on your confidence. One of the most common is the act of “mind reading,” or assuming that you know what another person is thinking. For instance, in the example given above, you may assume that your interviewer is thinking, “This person’s already a definite ‘no.’ Who shows up late to an interview?” when in fact, they may have been late to an interview of their own in the past and therefore be more understanding than you think.
Another popular cognitive distortion is called “global labeling.” Global labeling means making an overall statement about yourself, such as, “Everybody hates me,” or “I can’t do anything right.” All-or-nothing beliefs like this are likely untrue and can be very damaging to your self-esteem. Try replacing them with more accurate statements, like, “Some people don’t like me, but others do,” or “I make mistakes, but I also do things right.”
Reframing Mistakes
There are 5 main reasons behind why people make mistakes.
Ignorance- lack of knowledge about something
Forgetting- the experience of something accidentally slipping your mind
Denial of consequences- engaging in something that is instantly gratifying while ignoring negative possible outcomes
No alternatives- feeling like you have no choice but to do something, even if it doesn’t seem like a good idea
Automatic habits- unconscious behaviors that require intentional effort to correct
If you think about the last time you messed up, one of these factors was likely the cause. Remember that you are human. Everybody has made mistakes caused by at least one of these issues at some point or another. Understanding the reasons behind a mistake you’ve made can help you avoid the pitfall of believing you made it because you’re a defective person.
While some of these practices may seem like quick-fixes, they can be highly effective in helping you change your perspective on yourself and your circumstances. Catching yourself in negative thoughts and using these tactics can prevent you from spiraling into shame and boost your confidence quickly as you continue forth in your journey of creating a positive self-image. To begin deeper, longer-term self-compassion and/or self-esteem work, reach out to a counselor at ELEVATED Life Counseling today.