Sex Ed - How Your Upbringing Can Effect Your Sexuality As An Adult
By Erinn Williams, LCPC
Raise your hand if you had some sort of sex-education as a child in school or within your community? Do you remember what it covered? Who taught it? Was it sex-positive material? Did it make you feel embarrassed and shameful about your sexuality?
The controversy surrounding adolescent sexual education has been going on for years. Many oppose it all together, where other programs might focus solely on abstinence-only-until-marriage messaging; failing to provide young individuals with basic information on disease-preventing methods, unintended pregnancies, sexuality, and pleasure.
Down the road, this can have an effect on how you handle relationships. How you handle boundaries and consent. How you handle desires. Just because you were taught that something is wrong or taboo when you were younger, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is. And this holds for the opposite side of things, too. Just because you were taught that you should do something one way because that is how society views and accepts it, doesn’t mean that following a different path isn’t what is right for YOU!
Discussions about sexuality and adolescents can bring out heavy emotions for some - and that’s ok! It can be uncomfortable. You might have strong opinions. Try going into it with an open mind.
Everyone should be entitled to factual, comprehensive sexual education, but that isn’t always the case. Often times, sex education curricula can stigmatize pregnant or parenting teens vs. providing support to young people and their families. It can also stigmatize the LGBTQ community or sex-forward actions and thoughts.
Some children might not be getting any form of sex education. Others might be receiving it, but in the form of often shameful or abstinence-focused curricula. When it comes to you personally, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Sexuality plays a huge role in who we are as humans. Having access to accurate and complete sexual education can help young people make responsible decisions about sexual behavior and health throughout their lives - both socially and emotionally.
Sex education CAN teach us:
To appreciate our bodies
How to affirm our own sexual orientation and show respect for others
To express sexuality in our daily lives
To develop and maintain meaningful relationships with all genders / sexual orientations
How to effectively communicate our needs, wants and desires to our partners
Currently, only 29 states and District of Columbia mandate sexual eduction. 35 states require that schools stress abstinence when sex ed instruction is provided. 9 states require sex ed to include information on consent. And 7 states have policies that include affirming sexual orientation instruction on LGBTQ identities.
Different sexual orientations are natural. As adolescents, gender experimentation can be a common urge. It doesn’t make anyone weird or socially-unacceptable. Sometimes, sex ed courses don’t teach us how to affirm our own sexual orientation, while showing respect for others at the same time.
At the end of the day, sex is not a reflection of your value as a person. Sexual experiences can be different for each of us and you have a right to learn and explore them safely. We’ve all heard “wait until you’re married.” But, putting a ring on your finger doesn’t always resolve any insecurities surrounding your sexuality, especially if you haven’t explored the emotional needs of various types of relationships, yet.
There is so much more to sex education than just the biology of it! Some of you might have even learned about the birds and the bees from your parents. You find a person of the opposite sex, fall in love, get married and have babies. That’s fantastic. For others, sex ed curriculum might have focused on the psychological significance and social understanding of being sexually active. The meanings of sex, setting clear expectations and boundaries, communicating sexual desires and dealing with awkward moments and shame when it comes to sex-related topics. If you encountered the latter, bravo! I hope that it made you open to new sexual experiences, desires and relationships!
If you’re still learning and exploring your sexuality, bravo to you, too! I encourage you to keep learning and exploring. There is no one-fits-all approach to your own sexuality and it can evolve over time.