First Date Red Flags: How to Know if One Date is Enough
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
First dates can be complicated. There’s a lot to consider, such as whether or not you have chemistry with the person, if your values match up, and if they seem like they’d be able to fulfill your needs and wants in a relationship. All of this just to answer one seemingly simple question: Do you want to see them again?
After only one date, it’s almost impossible to know if the person who sat across the table from you will be your “happily ever after,” but there are several signs that another date is not a good idea. Memorize these red flags for later, and if you notice a date doing any of them, don’t ignore it.
They’re on Their Phone
Yes, this is the 21st Century, and we all use our phones much more than we’d like to admit. However, first dates are the time to put your best foot forward and be present. If you’re on a date with someone who is constantly texting or has their phone on the table, it could be a sign that they’re not taking their time with you very seriously. Instead, look for someone who removes all distractions, makes eye contact, and seems engaged in whatever you are doing or talking about.
They’re Late
Look, it happens. Sometimes, we get caught in traffic, or it takes a bit longer to get ready than anticipated. If your date sends you a text ahead of time letting you know they’re running late, that’s one thing. Getting left wondering if you’re being stood up is another. Showing up late to a date without giving a heads up is disrespectful and a clear indication that the person who’s late doesn’t value the other’s time. Once again, not a good look on a first date, especially when that’s the time your date is likely on their best behavior.
They Talk Badly About Their Exes
Going into too much detail about an ex on a first date could be perceived as a little strange, but badmouthing an ex is even worse. Someone who refers to their ex using derogatory names might have used those terms as attacks during the relationship as well, and unfortunately, you could be their next target if the two of you end up in a relationship. Also, placing all the blame on the other person for the breakup demonstrates a lack of ability to take responsibility for one’s own actions.
They’re Rude to the Staff
If your date is friendly to you but rude to waitstaff or other employees, take it as a warning sign. It’s easy to be nice to someone when you feel like there’s something in it for you. You can learn a lot more about a person by watching how they treat people they aren’t trying to impress. Chances are, after being together for long enough, your date’s true colors- the ones you saw when they rolled their eyes at the waitress or made a passive aggressive remark to their doorman- will start coming out towards you, too.
They Get Wasted
Getting sloppy drunk on a first date is a big red flag. If your date drinks too much, it could either mean they aren’t able to control their alcohol consumption, or they don’t care enough to practice self-control when going out with a new person. Both of these could be warning signs of substance abuse or a lack of preparedness to be in a relationship. Instead, opt for someone who is fun, but shows you respect by getting to know the real you and allowing you to learn more about the real them.
Figuring out if someone is the right person for you requires going on more than just a first date. However, the first date can be telling. If you see any of these red flags, seriously consider whether or not going on more dates is worth the future risks. Remember, the dating pool is full of potential partners who are respectful, mature, and ready for a relationship.