ASKING TOUGH QUESTIONS DURING THERAPY

By Erinn Williams, LCPC

You should feel comfortable asking your therapist anything. It’s a safe place where you can talk freely with a trained professional – no judgement, no stigma – while receiving mental health help and advice.

A feeling of safety is an essential component when it comes to opening up to your therapist (in an individual, couple or group setting).

Some of us might be new to therapy. Some of might be beginning a new relationship with a new therapist. Some of us might be embarrassed to ask certain questions that we think are weird or not normal. And some of us might even prefer to search for answers to our questions on Google vs discussing them IRL.

So, what shouldn’t you ask or tell your therapist? Absolutely nothing – you should be able to put everything on the table during therapy! There is no bad question to address with your therapist. If you’re in doubt, they’ll guide you. That is what they are trained to do.

Unless you talk about intending to harm yourself, someone else, child abuse or elder abuse, all sessions are confidential! It is worth noting, however, that your therapist might have a supervisor or a consultation group where your case might come up. If you have concerns about this, talk to your therapist about what parts of treatment are discussed in such settings.

“All in all, safety and trust are the most important part of our ethics and therapeutic alliance,” said Elevated Life Counseling’s, Mark Deremer, LPC, CCTP.

It might be easy to trust your therapist (good for you!). However, that doesn’t always mean it’s easy to ask tough questions or talk openly with them – and that’s completely normal! If you’re having trouble with things happening in your life, being vulnerable can be even more difficult.

HERE ARE A FEW TIPS TO HELP:

WRITE IT DOWN

Before your session, it can be helpful to write down the things you want to address. This can be anything from questions you want help answering or thoughts that are on your mind.

Keeping a therapy journal can help you keep tabs on your discussions with your therapist. This can help you reflect on your session(s) and help your stay accountable for the issues that you discussed. It can even help you find patterns in your feelings and actions that can be brought up in future sessions!

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE

For some, especially those just beginning their therapy journey, it can be easier to talk about topics that don’t make you feel as vulnerable, until you become more comfortable with your therapist. They are there to listen to you with an open mind and help you get through life. It’s entirely okay to take your time building up trust until YOU feel comfortable to ask the harder, sometimes uneasy questions or topics.

LET YOUR THERAPIST TAKE THE LEAD

Your therapist is there to help you through the healing process. You’re not expected to know what to say at all times! Sometimes, you might not know where to start or what to bring to your session, but your therapist is there to work with YOU to create a safe space where painful or difficult issues can unfold naturally at your own pace. If you run out of things to say or have difficulty opening up – you’re not alone!

If you’re having trouble opening up to your therapist – let them know! With that knowledge, they will work on ways to help build trust and the foundation of your relationship that can help you be more vulnerable down the road. You aren’t the only one in the relationship that needs to ask hard questions and your therapist is there to guide you through the process.

BE AS OPEN AS YOU CAN

Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. The more your therapist knows, the better they can understand you and your goals. If you only tell part of the story or reveal just some of the facts, your therapist might think an issue is less or more important than it really is. This can alter your treatment plan.

Sometimes, when we keep things to ourselves, it’s also easier to think that we are the only ones experiencing or feeling the way that we do – that’s not the case! Most likely, your therapist has heard similar stories before. Remember, this is a no judgement zone.

Laying it all out on the table can even make it easier to open up about other difficult truths in the future. If you’ve gone through the process before, you can do it again!

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Therapy is tough. It’s hard work. If it were easy, millions of Americans wouldn’t be in therapy. Try to remember why you started or wanted to start therapy in the first place. If you remember these reasons, it can motivate and push you to be more vulnerable. Try asking yourself: what brought me to therapy? What do I want to accomplish? What life do I want for myself?

Sharing your darkest secrets and personal thoughts can be overwhelming. You are brave for being vulnerable and your therapist is there to help you through the healing process!