Hopelessness and Trauma: Breaking Through
By Erinn Williams, LCPC
Myself and the ELC team have been hearing a lot about hopelessness lately from our clients. Traumatic events like the recent Roe vs Wade overturn and the Highland Park shooting can take an emotional toll on anyone, causing anger, anxiety, fear, panic (or all of the above, plus more).
These types of feelings are completely normal following any sort of traumatic experience, whether you were there or not. Sometimes, just hearing or thinking about distressing events can impact your mental and physical well-being. Whether you lived through the event itself, witnessed it or experienced traumatic stress following a tragedy, there is no right or wrong way to feel. People react in different ways to trauma and what you think, feel or do is completely up to you!
The recent tragedies might have you feeling scared or anxious about what the future holds and that’s okay, too. Some of you might experience stress in the immediate aftermath and after a short time, are able to regain control of your emotional well-being. Others might feel unphased following something horrible, but can be triggered down the road, causing the trauma to resurface along with a range of physical, mental, emotional and behavioral reactions. Here are a few tips to healing from a traumatic event:
TAKE YOUR TIME
To start, give yourself the space to feel. Take time to try and make sense of the traumatic event. This can include thinking about how and why it happened. How and why you were involved. Why you feel the way you do and even if the experience has changed your viewpoint on important things in your life. You might not feel like your “normal” self right away, but that will eventually pass.
Understanding these emotions and responses that follow a traumatic occurrence can help you cope with your feelings of hopelessness and move through it.
CHANGE CAN BE SCARY AND SAFE
These unpredictable and sometimes unfamiliar emotions are normal reactions to the loss of safety and security that result from a traumatic experience. When something feels dangerous - especially if that danger seems overwhelming and unavoidable - a person’s nervous system remains prepared for danger. When these threats remain unresolved, the body’s survival response becomes more reactive to the threat of danger in the future. This is why trauma survivors often find changes like new places, people or situations extremely difficult because their body interprets these changes as dangers.
You have the power to ground yourself. You have the power to recognize that you can still be safe and present in new situations. First, try focusing on the external - the things that stayed the same even after a change. You can then anchor yourself by focusing on the physical elements around you - what do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel? Objects or items that you can touch can help ground you to the present, safe moment (like stress balls or grounding rocks).
You can also widen your window of tolerance after a trauma by taking a look inside the most important person of all…YOURSELF! Recognize that you have the strength, wisdom and tools to experience change even after trauma.
YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO SUCCEED
Post-trauma fears are completely natural. Many people look back on traumatic situations and think or feel that they should have done something differently or might fear that they are not capable of succeeding or protecting themselves/others in future situations that require it. But, guess what? It’s possible to reframe and build confidence in your own abilities! All of us have unique skills and qualities that we are naturally good at.
Seek out the moments that you felt strong, powerful and safe. What was it about those activities or actions that made you feel that way? Try to incorporate those skills into your daily life. Challenging yourself with new skills or activities that put you outside of your comfort zone can also help develop self-efficacy when you are able to approach and successfully accomplish the activities at hand. Keep at it! Over time, this can lay the groundwork in your ability to succeed in critical or traumatic situations.
TURNING GRIEF INTO PURPOSE
I want to share a brief story about Nicole Frank Friedman - a Highland Parker, a Chicagoan and US citizen. Sadly, to her and many of our clients, friends and family, that means living in a constant state of anxiety about gun violence every time she drops her kids off at school, goes for a walk through her Chicago neighborhood or stands in line at the movies. She was also at the Highland Park 4th of July parade and was (thankfully) turned away a block from the parade route because her family was running late - just as the shooter began his rampage.
Nicole recently read an opinion piece that said it won’t be gun laws that solve gun violence, but a cultural shift that will. She gave this example: smoke-free laws and regulations didn’t exist until society made smoking unacceptable. It’s this type of thinking, along with second-hand grief from previous mass shootings that drove her to develop JayHay Spray, a cause-driven brand aimed at getting guns out of the toy aisle. She created the prototype for this years ago - a water sprayer that doesn’t resemble a gun. But, after COVID and the recent traumatic events, she decided that she can’t sit and wait anymore to launch it - so Nicole’s channeling her grief to find purpose in this horrendous tragedy.
“Everyone processes their grief differently and has different 'super powers' to lend to the cause. For me, my passion for problem solving and innovation has led me here. While I always knew it could happen anywhere, it still feels surreal what my community - my hometown - is experiencing right now. I'm sad that my endeavor has new momentum and purpose, but I desperately hope it can have an impact,” she said.
Nicole sees Jay Hay Spray as a tool and platform to start conversations that will support causes working to enact common sense gun laws, teach the next generation to have a different relationship with guns and help communities like hers heal after mass shootings.
BREAKING THROUGH THE HOPELESSNESS
Repairing the damage following a disaster or traumatic event can leave many people feeling confused, angry, scared and hopeless - it's okay to feel that way! For some, re-establishing daily routines can provide comfort. Taking good care of yourself and those close to you can also be crucial in working through trauma. It’s also important to:
Sleep! Your body and mind need it
Eat healthy and stay hydrated
Get your body moving
Keep yourself informed with credible sources
Limit media coverage connected to the trauma
Break free of replaying the trauma in your head
Normalize therapy and mental health resources for all - especially men and boys (we'll touch on this in Part 2)
Reach out to your support network
If you’re experiencing ongoing feelings of distress or hopelessness or have trouble getting through your daily activities, it might be time to reach out to a mental health professional to address how you are feeling. Our ELC team is trauma trained and here for anyone experiencing hopelessness and other mental health issues.