Be Your Own Valentine This Year
By Erinn Williams, LCPC
Gifts, candy, flowers, fancy dinners and cards filled with romantic messages. That must mean Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! Let me let you in on a little secret: you don’t need a romantic partner to have a love-filled Valentine’s Day!
Valentine’s Day is historically devoted to celebrating our most loved relationships with friends, family and romantic partners. If you’re coupled up, you might expect to get engaged, have sex, receive gifts and be spoiled on February 14. If expectations aren’t met, you might be left feeling disappointment or even resentment towards your partner. If you’re single, not meeting those same exceptions can leave you feeling inadequate or in a state of self-doubt. This can be a trigger for many people and that’s 100% ok.
This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to try something different: focus on the most important person in your life… YOU! I encourage you to devote time to celebrate self-love and self-compassion.
It’s important to remember a few things. Self-love isn’t selfish. Self-compassion isn’t meaningless. And self-care isn’t indulgent. In fact, self-love plays a huge role in overall human connection and can improve your mental and physical health.
There are three types of self-love:
1. Mental (self-acceptance)
2. Psychological (self-respect)
3. Physical (how you see yourself)
Learning to love yourself takes time and effort, but the benefits that come with self-love can also be extremely rewarding. So, where do you start? Here are a few self-love gestures to practice this Valentine’s Day (and every day)!
MAKE TIME FOR THINGS YOU LOVE
What sparks joy? What makes you smile? Do you love writing, meditating, drawing, cooking, listening to music? You deserve to give yourself permission to do what you love! Engaging in activities that you enjoy boosts energy and elevates your mood.
LET’S GET PHYSICAL
Whether it’s a workout at the gym, a walk around the neighborhood or yoga session, exercising encourages the body to release feel-good endorphins. Getting physical (with yourself) can go beyond the gym, too! When we engage with our bodies and better understand our own needs, it can help create a more intimate and conscious self-connection.
Masterbation is an act of self-love. This Valentine’s Day, take the time to give your body what it’s craving. Touch yourself how and where you want in order to feel pleasure. When you orgasm, your body releases dopamine and oxytocin AKA the love hormone responsible for those warm and cuddly feelings. Plus, who doesn’t like feeling good?!
TELL YOURSELF SOMETHING KIND
When was the last time you wrote someone a love letter? Try writing a love letter to yourself! What are 10 things you love about yourself? Words of affirmation are important and can leave filled with positivity! Sometimes we forget how important it is to fill up our own love tank before we can give it to others!
ALL THE FEELS
When February 14 rolls around, you might feel sad. You might be missing someone you recently lost. You might have recently ended a relationship with someone you loved. You deserve to give yourself the space you need to experience and feel your emotions. Cry it out if you want. Mad or angry? Channel your anger and turn it into something positive through meditation or journaling. Everything you are feeling is valid.
TAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK
If you’re scrolling on Valentine’s Day, you’re most likely going to see two things; people that loathe Valentine’s Day and those excited to show off the gestures of love and affection that might have received. Both are entirely ok and acceptable. Just be mindful that social media can add stress and might trigger anxiety for some people. Try turning off notifications or leaving your phone in the other room for a little bit. This will ultimately give you more time to focus on the things you enjoy!
A little self-love can go a long way! Whether you’re single or taken, it’s important to pamper yourself with the same kind of love and kindness that you’d shower anyone else with this Valentine’s Day (and beyond)!